As a favorite author of mine pointed out years ago, more people are inventing these days by leaving parts of things out. The walkman was created when some creative soul decided to leave the speakers off of a stereo. The iPod took that idea, then left out the tape deck, CD player and radio.

When you think about it, a cell phone is just a regular phone, sans all the plugs and cords, a wireless microphone is a microphone without all the wires, and a diet coke is a coke, hold the calories.

So when we’re figuring out how to reinvent the next administration, it should be helpful to wonder just what could be left out. And we have three candidates, each of which leave out different things. I can’t say that they add a whole lot (as a normal inventor might proceed) because I don’t see that there’s anything really new that any of them bring, at least not anything I’m in the market for.

So for this year’s red-white-and-blue specials, we have on aisle one John McCain and Mike Huckabee. On aisle two, just to the left, sit Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. All four of these products have some flaws, a few touted design improvements and plenty more weight for the American people to carry as they take home their choice in November.

So first up is John McCain. As this year’s war model (an oldie but a goodie), McCain brings with him a 50-to-100 year warranty on the war in Iraq, which many Americans will enjoy seeing (silly them, thinking that products which don’t stop working midway through are best). The McCain comes tested in a way none of the others have been — it’s both thoroughly tested and Independent approved. It doesn’t do much in the way of leaving things out, though, other than earmarks; it’s got the Washington label, 71 attached years and plenty of spunk.

Next in line is the Huck, which comes with an attached Chuck. This model is most notable for leaving out the entire IRS, a design feature which doesn’t seem to have worked well in any previous model. Unfortunately, it also leaves off about 800 electoral votes, without which no voter will take it home.

On the second aisle is Barack Obama — this model’s got the best audio and press, but without any particular new ideas or realism. It also leaves off any warranties, and for all anyone knows could simply break on the first day. After only two years of testing, it seems, America knows very little about the product.

Hillary Clinton is the most interesting widget to come along in a while. Once just an add-on to Bill (the chosen model in 1992 and 1996), this one’s got healthcare plans that appeal to many Americans, as does the Obama (the only real difference is that one only comes in black and one only comes with the female adaptor). Unfortunately, the healthcare plans on both of these models have never been tested and might be too expensive for many Americans (all of whom would have to buy the healthcare product separately).

As it turns out, in 2008, there simply aren’t any good, new features. The old ones work (they squeak quite a bit, but that’s just because they’re old). And so, it seems, America has no choice after all — the Huck being unavailable and the Obama and Clinton being insane… sorry, too expensive, the only choice for consumers this year is the McCain.

Redherringpress